STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
