He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
