Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
