I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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