don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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