My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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