I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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