If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
