I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
