Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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