Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
