Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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