i was born a porn star she said
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
