booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
