i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
3 2 1 whiskey
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
