The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
