I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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