But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
