did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
