He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
