every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
