How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
