Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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