I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
