Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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