Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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