Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
