I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
