Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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