he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
