She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
