and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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