I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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