the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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