Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
