i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
