I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
