You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
