I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
