Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
