the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
