WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
