Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
