This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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