I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you traded sex for a burrito?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
