this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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