I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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