I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
