Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize