apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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