My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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