walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
