The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He kissed a someone with a penis
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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