i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
