is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
