Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
