Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
