Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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