Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
