no, he came in my armpit
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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