I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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