no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
