About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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