GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
