im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
