some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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