I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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