I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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