I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
