babies were throwing up all over the place
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
