I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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