The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
