No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
