Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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