I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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