After last night, I could never be a politician.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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