So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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