Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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