just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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