Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
