i would punch a child for taco bell
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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