idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
