I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just threw up on my dentist
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
