Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
