WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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